Thursday, April 16, 2009

Spouting Gobbledygook (IBM Licensing)

All companies have internal buzzwords and gobbledygook but most are fairly conscious about providing an intermediary translation before shooting it off to their customers.

This little gem? from IBM was so bizarre that I felt it was worth sharing;

I received an email today indicating that IBM had decided to make some changes to their licensing. As a customer, I try to be careful about reading such things because sometimes they highlight problems and sometimes they give us extra benefits.

The email consisted of a two page "covering letter". The first page of which said very little other than suggesting that a licence change was happening and giving a rough date. It pointed you to the attached document (the second page).

The first paragraph just tells you very little other than identifying that it's to do with IBM's Passport Agreement Programme (I'd already figured that part out). It's the second paraphaph that prompted this post.

I've reproduced it in full below because quite frankly it's one of the best examples I've ever seen of "over-use of internal buzzwords in an external communication".

Expanded list of eligible products and elimination of unique parts for Sub-capacity licensing
IBM has recently expanded the number of products eligible for Sub-capacity licensing (“Eligible Sub-capacity Products”) and announced the elimination of different part numbers for Sub-capacity licensing. All Processor Value Unit (PVU) Products are now Eligible Sub-capacity Products , unless they are specifically listed as not eligible on the Sub-capacity licensing web site at the link below. Your existing PVU Sub-capacity license entitlements will not be converted to PVU license entitlements, but can be used on an “as if converted” basis using a ratio of 1 PVU Sub-capacity license equals 1 PVU license. Your existing Software Subscription & Support (S&S) entitlements for PVU Sub-capacity products will be migrated to PVU S&S entitlements on a 1 for 1 basis at your next Software S&S renewal date on or after July 1, 2009.

Maybe that means something at IBM but it means nothing to me (the customer).

The file attachment is described as
  • Sub-Cap_Notification_Letter_InternationalEnglish.pdf
I'd suggest it be renamed;
  • Sub-Cap_Notification_Letter_InternalGibberish.pdf
More isn't always better - next time IBM, just send me a one-liner in English please.

1 comment:

Graham Dodge said...

Try @Unique(@DeleteAdjectives(IncomingEmail) then only read every third word :)